How I Learned to Be Me

I am originally from Ethiopia, East Africa.  I want my kids to know the main language and also the culture.   I have cousins here,  4- and 8-years old.  They have no idea about Ethiopia.  And it makes me so sad to see that.  I wish their parents can talk to them in Ethiopian language,  at least they will learn the language.  They can always speak English when they’re in school.

Every time when a guest or other kids go to their home, they aren’t able to talk to them. They get shy around them and also when they try to say something.  They just don’t have the confidence when they are around Ethiopians. That means they cannot be themselves or free.

I don’t have kids yet because I am busy with my full-time job and running a small business. But when I do, I will make sure that they are raised bilingually and bi-culturally.

It’s important for the kids because:

Tradition – Kids will know their heritage.  But parents have to play a big role in this; they need to bring the tradition to their home.

Raise your kids bilingually and bi-culturally

Diversity -  Their life will have diversity.  For example, they will be exposed to other culture’s food, clothes, and music.

Love – I am sorry to say this, but love within the American family is not strong enough.  I came from a country where everyone is attached.  Kids can stay with their parents till they get married.   It’s just the culture to show your families love and support.  And if you raise your kids bi-culturally, they will also learn how to love each other.

Language skills – It’s definitely true that raising kids bilingually will benefit the kids.  It will develop their language skills.  It’s helpful for them to know more people, to engage with the society, and even they grow up, it will beautify their resume.

But I will say it again, parents are responsible to teach their kids about their culture.

I agree with Bill Belew’s tips on how to raise your kids bilingually and bi-culturally.

I have seen the effect on my cousins; their parents are seeing the advantage now, too.

But I wish they had started earlier because now the kids are not comfortable with speaking in any language other than English.

As the professor suggested, their parents are taking my cousins to Ethiopia this Summer, to learn about the culture and the language.  But the problem is, how are they going to communicate there? Guess they will have to figure out a way.

I’m Tulasi. My blog is about Arts and Crafts. Feel free to click here after reading this post on raising bilingual and bi-cultural kids.

When it comes to being bi-cultural and bilingual, I want to give myself as an example.

During my childhood till 5th grade, I lived in Libya. In this country, only few people speak English, not my mother tongue – Telugu.

Libyans speak Arabic. I had to learn to speaking Arabic when I went out. I had to learn to speak English when I was at school. When, I came back to home, it was completely different  because, I spoke my mother tongue Telugu and sometimes my parents used to teach me Hindi as well!. It’s 4 languages, that I know.

But, funny thing is, I’m not very perfect in any of these languages. It sounds complicated to me while writing this post. I felt nothing at all when I was growing up. It was normal.

Mom and Kid

My parents didn’t get trained to teach us languages. It just happend. At home, we used different words from different languages all the time. Sometimes neighbors freak out with our language.

Ex. In Arabic, Shikara means a plastic bag. In Hindi, Shikari means hunter. Hindi word Shikari slightly rhymes with Shikara.  I don’t even know what they call it a plastic bag in my mother tongue. Shikara means boat in Kashmir. Shakira is a Pop singer. Ha ha. This is so funny. I can find more words which match but, this is not the purpose of my post.

Parents teaching their kid

Libya is a Muslim country and I used to do namaaz with my favorite uncle or neighbor, Ali. He taught me how to do namaaz and I was his favorite kid.

When I came back to India during my 6th grade I saw all these people wearing completely different clothes and I also realized that even I looked like them. It was kind of a weird feeling.

It’s like Madagascar movie, where Lion, Zebra and other friends in zoo escaped to Madagascar and they meet this funny king with an Indian accent.

I had to go to temples after going to India. I didn’t understand which god to follow. Then, I started questioning myself about god. What is god by the way? Why many gods? Different cultures? My parents are well educated and they are more practical. I like the answers that my dad gives me. I would like to share one with confused kids like me. He said not to worry about which face to pray. All we need to do is follow what god asks us to do. All the holy books pretty much say the same thing – Do Good and Be Good. That was so simple. I don’t really believe in god but, I try to follow what is said in the religion.

I say that, bi-cultural or bilingual kids will have many additional questions for which they seek answers. It is very important for parents to show a good path to kids by answering it correctly instead of trashing those questions as silly ones. If we teach them to respect all cultures, then kids will understand what is going on with the world. I still remember, what mom and dad told me to do when I’m stuck in few situations or troubles. Those small little lessons save me now.

Also read this amazing blog post about raising bilingual kids – Click here. I wanted to write my personal experiences after reading this post.

Abashment.. addling.. befuddlement… bemusement.. blurring… Commotion… confounding..  discomfiting… dumbfounding.. embroiling, flap,  lather, mixup mystification, obscuring, perplexing,…perturbation.. pother… puzzlement.. stew… stirring up.. tangling… or in simple words – CONFUSION…!!! is all that comes to my mind when I think about the topic I am going to write about.

Yes… trust me, I had to look up synonyms from the dictionary for the word confusion in order to better describe my thoughts and put it across in any possible way for anyone to understand my situation.

no boundaries…

I am from India and and we believe in arranged marriages culturally so the question of inter-cultural or inter-national marriages is totally taboo to me. At least it was… until I moved to the United States of America.

Since America is so multi-cultural and welcomes people of all and any nationality and race, it has become a meeting ground for people of different ethnicities who fall in love and raise families together.

I was in love once with a girl from the States once. It did not work out for its own reasons. Neither of us were to be blamed.

Maybe we weren’t strong enough or MAYBE THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCE CAUSED IT. I don’t know.

I want to believe so though. She was half Korean and half white. Her mom was Korean and her dad was white. Imagine if we had kids, they would’ve been quarter Korean, quarter white and half Indian and CONFUSED…!!

bi-cultural relationships

We were living together. We had a ton of differences big and small to cope with and compromise on. All those little things that were completely fine in her culture and the way she was brought up but what were a complete NO NO in my culture.

The food, the common language barrier, the dressing sense, the habits, friends, activities … everything was different.. in a good and bad way.,.!!

I see a lot of successful couples and I salute them because I can tell you, it is not easy. But if they did it is because they put in the effort, which i should’ve too.

But I didn’t.

Personally I think the equation gets more complicated when they have kids who start wondering and questioning their roots and belonging, something which might lead them to a very unclear and dangerous path as they grow up.

I think both parents should instill both cultures and expose the children to the blend of both the histories and let them decide which side they wanna take instead of rubbing upon them what they want them to believe. After all, love knows no boundaries.

Then why create them?

Love is in the air people. Don’t hold yourself back. If it is meant to happen, it will happen no matter what. The whole universe will conspire to get you what you deserve.

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the world is one…