How I Learned to Be Me

This is an interesting topic to post about, bi-cultural kids!

Today more and more kids are born into a bi-cultural environment with their parents being of different ethnicity or culture or kids being raised in other parts of the world.

My cousins are true examples of kids raised with 2 different cultures. Their parents, my uncle and aunt are from North India but moved to United States right after they got married. Both my cousins were born and are being raised in United states. They are now 19- and 17-year old girls.

I can certainly say that my Uncle and Aunt have done a good job in raising them bi-culturally and proving them the best of both worlds.

Providing your kids best of both worlds!

10 reasons why I think so-

1. They go to temple every weekend and practice the religion and values given by their parents.
2. They love sports, Indian girls are not into sports (except cricket if at all)
3. They love ‘Paneer tikka masala’ and ‘mac and cheese’
4. They listen to A.R Rehman, Rahat fateh Ali khan as well as Selena Gomez and J.Lo music
5. They love to visit family back home in India but only for short visits.
6. They wear bikinis and love wearing ‘salwar kameez’ also
7. They speak Hindi and English both fluently.
8. They are huge fan of James bond but love watching cheesy, romantic saga(s) of Sharukh Khan as well
9. They believe in ‘arrange’ marriages
10. They can speak English in ‘Indian accent’
11. They haven’t moved out of their parents house and won’t (they are 19 and 17 year old) until they get married.

By reading all the above you must have understood that they are a complete mix of both cultures. It’s not about which culture is better than the other. It is about teaching your kids the best of both worlds. Teaching them about their roots, so when they visit other families back home, they can mingle with them and don’t feel isolated.

Also giving them right values of the environment or the culture they are being raised in. Teaching  them the right thing will help them understand their background, genes, roots  and will also give them sense of adaptability. Teaching all the values but still giving your kids all the rights to choose the culture they want to adapt is the right thing to do.

Bi-cultural kids tend to get lost in different cultures and get confused to what they want to choose. But they will do what they see their parents doing. If the parents are firm believers in a Culture, kids will most likely follow that. If the parents speak two or three languages, kids will follow that as well. So dear parents, practice what you want your kids to learn. Your kids will follow you.

USA is a very fascinating country.

Here you will see many cultures living side by side.

This is the country where you can see people from different countries working under one company.

For example in my company, my colleagues are from India, China, Japan and Singapore.

Crossing cultures is very common in the USA.

You can even see many cultures in every second home. Indian married to American girl or boy; American married to Japanese, Chinese girl or boy and so on.

While so many cultures prevail in one house sometimes it is difficult to raise a child.

Even I take my example, in India there are so many cultural differences seen. Because in India we have multiple cultures among different states and different religious, different festivals.

I myself was raised bi-culturally. My father is Gujarati and my mother is Rajasthan. However both my parents are from the same religions. But still they are from different states and different cultures are observed.

My father’s mother tongue is Gujarati and my mother’s mother tongue is Hindi. They both are having different views about the same things. Even to celebrate a festival, both are having different views and methods to celebrate.

Sometimes I found it difficult but sometimes I found it blessed to have two cultures at home so that I can learn about two states. The impact of this bi-cultural experience is that I am aware of  both cultures and know everything about it. Now I find myself comfortable to adjust everywhere in the country.

bi-cultural relationships

Let me share my experience about how my parents raised me in both cultures. Since I was born and brought up in Gujarat, learning Guajarati was easy for me. My mother taught me Hindi from childhood. She found that it will be difficult for me to adjust in her state and in her family people.

I learned Hindi since childhood and because of my mother I was very good in Hindi literature and that helped me to gain good scores in that subject during school time.

Another benefit is that I had good fluency in language. I can say that I know two languages where all my friends knew only one language.  That helped me to gain confidence.

My mother used to take us at to her home place during summer vacation time so that we could be aware of their culture and atmosphere. I got to know many things about different cultures because when you visit a different state or country you get to know so many things about them.  Because of that I learned how to adjust well.

In my family we used to celebrate every festival even if didn’t belong to us. For example navratri is Gujarat’s festival and we don’t celebrate that festival in our religion. But I was living in Gujarat and my father is Gujarat. He told us to celebrate every festival even if they are not belonging to us. So I usually celebrate navaratri. And it is my favorite festival. We were celebrating all the festivals in two different styles.

Now I am married and moved to USA. I see the same cultures here also. I think that in the future my baby will also be raised in a bi-cultural environment.  I will follow my mother’s footsteps to make my baby aware of my culture.

To learn about my culture and more click here.

There is one specific word to describe those Asian kids raised in western culture: BANANA.

It is a person with yellow skin but has a white-person’s heart.

BANANA is not a good word; sometimes it’s kind of rude.

I don’t like it and I don’t like to simply categorize people by some simple codes.

But there are definitely a group of people which I bring attention to: those people who come from Asian families but are raised in western cultures.

All the outside world they contact from beginning are western: friends, schools and society. But when they come home, they meet their Asian families: those people who care for them most come from a different culture.

Bicultural-kissed

It could be they are facing growing up bi-culturally or it could also be culture conflict they need to deal with.

I know in most cases parents would anticipate their children to adopt into two cultures, go along with both of them and embrace them without much critical judgment. Well, we hope so.

I know some Chinese parents who raise kids in western world, like in America, would ask or even force their kids to the Chinese-language-learning classes, the Chinese-culture classes and/or the Chinese history classes. They expect their kids to know China, recognize themselves as Chinese, and be proud of themselves as Chinese.

But I also meet many kids when their Chinese parents talk to them in Chinese, they respond to them in English. The only Chinese they speak well or write well is their Chinese name. Other than that, they know Chinese as much as their American friends.

Well, even though the parents are trying so hard for them to adopt two cultures and recognize themselves well for their identities, we should also admit that the kids, especially when they are quite KIDS, the influence coming from their friends, classmates and teachers are as much as their parents.

When kids are kids, the importance of self-identity is as much as the importance of recognition coming from their peers and teachers. Sometimes, they rely on the peers’ and teachers’ recognition to build their own identities.

All of these facts make kids raised bi-culturally difficult. And it also means talking with them at home in Chinese and sending them to Chinese lessons are not enough. Kids need to recognize their own identities voluntarily, rather than by force. It challenges the parents to adjust their strategies to develop this recognition.

There are some interesting tips about how to raise a bilingual child in 5 steps

Wrote by: Bei He
Website: hebeontheroad.com